Fully Alive!

The glory of God is man fully alive! (St. Irenaeus of Lyons)  Fully alive!  That's how I felt riding my bike in the middle of the afternoon today. It was a twenty minute ride to my massage therapist on country roads.  Then,  another ten minutes to pedal up to the Lakeland Hills Town Center to make a bank deposit, and right across from the bank I indulged in a light lunch from Starbucks - - - crackers, cheese, apple slices, and craisins & nuts.  It felt decadent to bask in the sun during this in-between season of autumn . . . not the heat of summer nor the barrenness of winter.  And, a sunny day without rain is always something to celebrate where I live.  If not now, then when?!

TODAY DAD WAS . . .

FRIGHTENED  There is a rat in my pocket!  I can't get it out.

HELPFUL  I can load the dishwasher!

CONFUSED   We need to hurry so we can get to church! I don't want to be late.  (Uh, Dad, church was two days ago)

PROUD  I fell down yesterday.  Look . . . and he pulls up his pant leg to show me his skinned knee.

UNSURE  How do I make it flush? 

TENDER  Will you give me a kiss?

SCARED  I didn't know where my mother was.  I thought she forgot to pick me up  . . .  when I met him at the shuttle after he spent an afternoon at Memory Day Care.

KIND  Now, it's my turn to push you!  ... after a block of me pushing him in his wheelchair around his neighborhood.



Even though it's a bittersweet season, I am grateful to spend moments with him.  


What whispers in the moment, shouts in the memory!    (Thanks, Dale, for reminding me of this at Gold  last week!  www.soulation.org )

Random

Today was full of randomness. But, that's true of most of the times I spend with dad.


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Mom had cataract surgery this morning.  Cataract surgery is for old people.  Mom doesn't seem old.  She's almost 79.  If I didn't know HER, I'd think that was old.  She was nervous.  She doesn't like the idea of ANYONE, even a surgeon, touching her eye.  I prayed for her before she got out of the car at the clinic that she would feel His peace that passes all understanding.  Her eyes filled with tears.  I get that it's hard to trust - - - to be vulnerable and dependent.


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Later that afternoon while Dad is hanging out at my house he is noticeably distraught.  "Where is the baby?"  he asks.  "What baby?" I respond.  "YOUR baby!", he insists.  I know I'm supposed to enter his world, and 'fess up to the baby.  But, I just can't go along with this.   "Dad, I have two teenage sons. I don't have a baby."  He's not convinced.  


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 "Where would you sleep if I slept in your bed?" Dad asked 16 y.o. G at supper tonight. 
"Grandpa, you're not sleeping in my bed.  You're sleeping at your house in your bed.
 "But WHAT IF I slept in your bed?"  Pause.  "Grandpa, if you were a rhinoceros where would you eat?"  Laughter all around.  "In the garden," he said.

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"How old am I?" asked Dad.  "How old do you feel?" I replied.  "Well, I'm not feeling my best today, so I'd say about 25."  Mom and I cracked up.  Dad smiled.  "Am I 83 he said?"


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"Honey, you can't get out of bed tonight," Mom says to Dad.  (He gets up almost EVERY night, but after her surgery she's not supposed to do any heavy lifting for the next couple of weeks.)    But really, TELLING  him not to do something he can't remember not to  do, is like  . . . crazy? Hopeful?  Desperate?  G was willing to sleep over there tonight to help fill the gap.  She graciously declined.  I ask Jesus for extra angels for my parents - - - especially tonight.


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AND, there is still joy - - - G's patient, loving care for his Grandpa.  ----- Savoring the first blueberries from our bushes.  -----Watching the sun melt below the horizon as I drove back from my parents. ----- Delighting in the frog that croaked at me as it hopped away toward the pond. -----The love in my husband's voice as he called me on his way home tonight. 


I trust you Jesus.

Another Wednesday

Another Wednesday afternoon with Dad! Spending time with him is a gift.  And, I'm realizing how time with him really grounds me in the present.  He's quirky and cracks jokes and is eager to help.  I feel light-hearted.  We have a general direction, but not a set schedule, and I think that makes all the difference.  One of our errands today was a little grocery shopping at Safeway.  He's a very agile driver of the chair on wheels.  He lets me lead the parade, and even take his picture. (He came up with this pose all on his own! )  Of course, Sundowner's catches up with him in the late afternoon.  His hallucinations increase and he chats up the invisible people on the couch and points out the Indians in our backyard.  He stays for dinner and we are joined by The Voice (my husband who has such a resonant and deep bass) and our teenage sons.  I ask Dad to bless the food.   He chats with God so conversationally - - - just like he always has throughout my lifetime.  I want my sons to remember grandpa praying - - - a bit of joy in between all the other craziness that makes up his life these days.

Sorry!

Dad and I ended our afternoon together playing Sorry.  It's relaxing for him. It's relaxing for me.  It's a game he's always eager to play, and it's a game he is good at.  He won (again!) today.  I think he likes all the numbers and counting spaces.  I'm surprised that he remembers so many of the little rules for certain numbers  - - - like you can only leave "start" with a 1 or a 2.  A 10 means you move forward 10 or backward 1.  Things like that.  It's the same game board my brother and I played on in the 1970's . . . mostly with Grandma Bo.  I don't EVER remember playing it with my dad.  He was more of a Monopoly guy.  It was nice to end our day together like this - - - more as equals, than me directing him on what to do next, or telling him that, I can't see  anyone sitting on the couch. Joy came at the end of the day today!

Dad In-Between

"You treat me like a baby!" Dad emphatically said to Mom when she dropped him off at my house this morning.  She was reviewing instructions with me for getting him on the shuttle to his "job" (adult memory day care) this afternoon.  Usually she does that drop-off on Thursday's but an unexpected appointment with a mechanic to repair her car's radiator switched up her schedule (and mine!).

Dad's outburst  reminded me that he is living in-between too.  Between adulthood and babyhood.  Between who he used to be and who he is becoming.  His outsides look quite healthy for an 83 year old man.  Looking at this picture I took a couple days ago, you wouldn't even know he has Parkinson's, much less Alzheimers.   Mom takes great care of him.  However, on the insides his mind is betraying him. Most times his inner age seems around three or four years old.

Yet, even knowing his brain age is like a pre-schooler, his outburst was still surprising to me.  I forget that he still can have flashes of clarity like he did this morning.  He felt marginalized being talked about, instead of talked with. I get that.  The good news is that he can still FEEL.  That means he can feel the good stuff too.

He's taking a nap right now.  When he awakes I will look for ways for BOTH of us to experience joy in-between. Like we did on Monday . . . savoring the spring sunshine and the lilacs!

Connecting the Dots

"Did you know the Queen of England was married two days ago?"  Dad said to me this morning.  Wow! Really!?

I pieced it together.  He and I are season ticket holders to the Auburn Symphony.  We attended the end-of-season concert yesterday afternoon.  The finale, with the Federal Way Chorale as special guests, was "I was Glad When They Said Unto Me" - - - also called the "Coronation Anthem".  It is a magnificent piece!  Sir Charles Hubert Hastings Parry wrote it for the coronation of Edward VII in 1902.  Apparently it has been played at all subsequent coronations at Westminster Abbey, AND as conductor, Stewart Kershaw brought to our attention,  it was the wedding processional for Kate Middleton and Prince William on 4/29/11 - - - exactly one year ago that day.

Dad's brain connected some of the dots. Royalty.  England.  Wedding.   And, I compulsively corrected him.  However, are the facts really that important to our casual conversation?  Must I set him straight? It's not as if he'll remember for next time! 


I think there's more joy in-between for both of us if I let it go!

Sing!

Dad may not know what day it is, or always remember who I am, but he sure loves to sing.  Tonight after supper I played the piano and we sang some of his favorite hymns - - - When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, Sweet By and By, What a Friend We Have in Jesus, Joy to the World. . .  Even though his voice quavers, he still finds the bass line AND remembers the words.  It grounds him . . . and me! 

Music is powerful, especially for individuals with AD and other dementias.  I discovered on the Alzheimer Foundation website that it is because "rhythmic and other well-rehearsed responses require little to no cognitive or mental processing.  They are influenced by the motor center of the brain that responds directly to auditory rhythmic cues."  http://www.alzfdn.org/EducationandCare/musictherapy.html

I'm looking forward to creating more pockets of joy with my dad through music!

Christmas in April

"Christmas is tomorrow...it's on the 25th of every month.  I want to wish you a Merry Christmas."  Yep, that was the phone message I got from my dad this morning.   Dad's 83.  He has Alzheimer's.  His view of the world made me smile today . . . a crooked smile, but a smile nonetheless.  A bit of joy on a Tuesday.  Thanks, Dad!