Another Wednesday

Another Wednesday afternoon with Dad! Spending time with him is a gift.  And, I'm realizing how time with him really grounds me in the present.  He's quirky and cracks jokes and is eager to help.  I feel light-hearted.  We have a general direction, but not a set schedule, and I think that makes all the difference.  One of our errands today was a little grocery shopping at Safeway.  He's a very agile driver of the chair on wheels.  He lets me lead the parade, and even take his picture. (He came up with this pose all on his own! )  Of course, Sundowner's catches up with him in the late afternoon.  His hallucinations increase and he chats up the invisible people on the couch and points out the Indians in our backyard.  He stays for dinner and we are joined by The Voice (my husband who has such a resonant and deep bass) and our teenage sons.  I ask Dad to bless the food.   He chats with God so conversationally - - - just like he always has throughout my lifetime.  I want my sons to remember grandpa praying - - - a bit of joy in between all the other craziness that makes up his life these days.

Sorry!

Dad and I ended our afternoon together playing Sorry.  It's relaxing for him. It's relaxing for me.  It's a game he's always eager to play, and it's a game he is good at.  He won (again!) today.  I think he likes all the numbers and counting spaces.  I'm surprised that he remembers so many of the little rules for certain numbers  - - - like you can only leave "start" with a 1 or a 2.  A 10 means you move forward 10 or backward 1.  Things like that.  It's the same game board my brother and I played on in the 1970's . . . mostly with Grandma Bo.  I don't EVER remember playing it with my dad.  He was more of a Monopoly guy.  It was nice to end our day together like this - - - more as equals, than me directing him on what to do next, or telling him that, I can't see  anyone sitting on the couch. Joy came at the end of the day today!

Dad In-Between

"You treat me like a baby!" Dad emphatically said to Mom when she dropped him off at my house this morning.  She was reviewing instructions with me for getting him on the shuttle to his "job" (adult memory day care) this afternoon.  Usually she does that drop-off on Thursday's but an unexpected appointment with a mechanic to repair her car's radiator switched up her schedule (and mine!).

Dad's outburst  reminded me that he is living in-between too.  Between adulthood and babyhood.  Between who he used to be and who he is becoming.  His outsides look quite healthy for an 83 year old man.  Looking at this picture I took a couple days ago, you wouldn't even know he has Parkinson's, much less Alzheimers.   Mom takes great care of him.  However, on the insides his mind is betraying him. Most times his inner age seems around three or four years old.

Yet, even knowing his brain age is like a pre-schooler, his outburst was still surprising to me.  I forget that he still can have flashes of clarity like he did this morning.  He felt marginalized being talked about, instead of talked with. I get that.  The good news is that he can still FEEL.  That means he can feel the good stuff too.

He's taking a nap right now.  When he awakes I will look for ways for BOTH of us to experience joy in-between. Like we did on Monday . . . savoring the spring sunshine and the lilacs!